oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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