We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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