I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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