First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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