I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize