Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
