i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So squirting runs in the family.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
