How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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