I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
