we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
