I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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