mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
