so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
