My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
