he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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