I met the friendliest cop last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
as a side note pls kill me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
