There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
