how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
