I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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