My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
