she looked like the before picture.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
being pregnant is like rehab
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
