Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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