I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
