bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
