Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
