I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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