you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
