..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
