do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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