the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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