i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
