Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
