There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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