My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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