At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
