and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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