you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have aggressive nipples.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
