She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
