I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
