I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had to cum in my sink.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
