And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
