you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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