Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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