I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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