the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
