just come out here and I will go home with you...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
