you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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