the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
