Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
