Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
now i know why i became what i already was.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
