How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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