I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
