I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
