just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
