just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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