Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
