I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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