So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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