There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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