I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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