You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
