I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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