It's Friday. Sex?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
