Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
