I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
