If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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