If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
did you just send me my own nude
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
