maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm like, not good at living.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
