Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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