she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
