Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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