I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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